The Darkness felt close today. She knew the Darkness well, she had known it all her life. Most people didn’t understand it, not like she did. Most people feared it. She understood why, the Darkness could be terrifying, it could wrap itself around her tightly, chocking her, crushing her. That’s what people feared. But she knew another side of it, she knew it could be gentle and soothing. Sometimes, it would come like a caress, lulling her into peace and showing her the stars. Darkness had moods too and she had known all of them.

Today, it was not in a good mood. Today it pressed and closed in around her. Today, the Darkness was an ocean all around her, looking for a way in to smother every memory of light. She couldn’t fight it, she had learnt long ago. If she struggled and pushed back, if she clawed at it, it only became angrier and stronger; it only chocked harder. She knew that the only way to get through was to keep the Light inside her. She searched within, looking for the Light. It was hard, it felt like swimming through tar. The Darkness was relentless. It wanted her to drown. But she pushed on. Somehow, she kept moving through the ocean, looking for the Light.

It felt like she had been swimming forever, the Darkness vast and infinite all around her. It had stopped feeling like swimming a long time ago. Now it was more like drifting. Still, she kept going. She had to find the Light. She had to find it, it had to be here somewhere. Didn’t it? Had it ever really been inside her? Had she ever had the Light? It didn’t feel like it. It felt like all she had ever known and all she would ever know was the Darkness. But no, she still remembered the Light. A little. She knew it was here. But she was so tired.

She felt the Darkness surge victoriously. She was too tired. She couldn’t find the Light, she had lost it. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and stopped swimming, waiting for the Darkness to consume her. She waited and waited, but nothing happened. She could feel frustration permeating the Darkness. It couldn’t take over her. She opened her eyes and saw a faint glow. The Light! It was the Light! Where was it coming from? She looked around, but all she saw was darkness. She looked at her hands and realized it was coming from her. And then she remembered, that’s where it had always been.

Smiling, she hugged herself, letting the Light form a soft shell around her. She lay down. She could hear the Darkness roaring all around her, but it could not reach her. Perhaps tomorrow, she thought. Perhaps tomorrow the Darkness would be in a good mood and then they could see the stars. Perhaps tomorrow they could dream together, the Darkness and her. But for now, she slept.

 

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