Shades of Anxiety – Yellow

Shades of Anxiety – Yellow

Obsessive thoughts take over. For days, months, sometimes years, they take hold, causing anxiety and no matter what I do, no matter how I try to divert my attention from them, they’re there. Consuming. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve thought those thoughts to such extent that there is no possible way of thinking about them any longer. I feel exhausted and sick of thinking those things. Sick of thinking anything at all, really. But they just keep spiraling, swirling through my head.

I’ve called this series shades of anxiety, but I don’t know if this is anxiety or just madness.

Other shades


Books I Own But Haven’t Read #3

Alright, let’s get on with the list of doom.

Part 1 | Part 2

Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey


This is actually one of the (many) books that I’m currently reading. I’m about halfway through and I don’t know why I stopped, I need to finish this.

The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo


Another one that I’m currently reading and loving. I really need to finish the books I’ve started instead of starting new ones.

All Fall Down, See How They Run, Take the Key and Lock Her Up and Not if I Save You First by Ally Carter

I won these 4  Ally Carter books in a giveaway and I don’t know… I started reading the first one and I find the MC to be quite annoying. We’ll see how i feel once I’ve finished it. Actually, the last one is not part of the series of the first 3 ones and I’m pretty sure that last on isn’t out yet. But anyway.

The Slow Regard of Silent Things by Patrick Rothfuss

slow regard of silent things

I need to read this already. It’s so small and Auri is one of my favourite characters ever and I don’t know why I haven’t read it yet. I think it’s because if I do, then I’ll have read everything in this series that is published and I’ll have nothing until whenever book three is published.

Dodger by Terry Pratchett


I started reading this as well. But it wasn’t what I had expected, so I stopped. I’m gonna get to it eventually. It’s good. I didn’t dislike it, I was just expecting fantasy when I picked up Terry Pratchett and then it wasn’t fantasy, so I was disappointed.

Tales of Mystery and Imagination by Edgar Allan Poe


To be fair, I’ve read most of the stories in here. I just have a couple left, so I can’t say that I’ve read this book. But I’ll get there.

Temeraire by Naomi Novik


I bought this book earlier this year and then I went home over the summer and took it with me and I didn’t read it, but I also didn’t bring it with me when I left. So it’s currently at my parents’ house and I’m really annoyed because I read Uprooted by Naomi Novik recently and I loved it and now I really want to read more of her books, but I don’t have this one and I kind of don’t want to buy it again.

Books That I’m Currently Reading

Over the past few months, I’ve been in this weird place where I keep starting books and then not finishing them and starting new ones. And it’s not that I’m not enjoying the books that I’m reading, it’s just that I can’t focus. I have started so many books these past few months, I am now running out of bookmarks because they’re all trapped in some book. So I’ve decided to put together a list of the books that I’m ‘currently reading’ in the hopes that it’ll motivate me to actually finish them.

Tower of Dawn by Sarah J. Maas


I started this book way back in September or early October, whenever it came out. I had pre-ordered it and I started reading it as soon as I got it. I got to page 93 before stopping and I just want to finish it. Even though Chaol isn’t really my favourite character, I want to learn more about the Southern Continent and all the stuff going on there.

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catheynne M. Valente


I heard so many great things about this book and I was so excited to read it. And I think I started it one evening right after finishing another book, but I was tired, so I only got a couple chapters in before going to sleep and then I just never continued. I’m currently on page 28 of this one.

Classical Mechanics: The Theoretical Minimum by Leonard Susskind and George Hrabovsky


I’m on page 29 of this one, but I’m not super bothered about this one, since it is a pretty heavy book and it requires a lot of concentration. You sort of need to study and understand what you’re reading, because it’s ultimately trying to teach you physics. The 28 pages that I have read are full of notes and stuff like that, so I’m quite pleased with this and I always anticipated it would take a long time to finish because I don’t have that much time to dedicate to teaching myself physics. But I do want to continue reading.

The Physics of Christianity by Frank J. Tipler

I started reading this book years ago. And I mean… years. Maybe 5-6 years ago, but I’m including it because I do want to move on with this book. I haven’t made it very far. I am currently 77 pages in, but as with the previous book, this is a pretty dense read, you really need to understand what he’s talking about and that can take a lot of trying to visualise and sometimes make diagrams, take notes and so on. And I don’t have a ton of time and when I do have time for reading, I’m usually too tired to be able to concentrate as much as I need to. So again, not too bothered, but I do want to keep chipping at this book.

Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey


I started reading this book back in September I think and I flew through the first half or so of it. I really enjoyed it, it’s really well written and poignant and sensible and full of compassion. I’m currently on page 105 of it and I don’t know why I stopped. I just got distracted. I feel like that’s what I’ve been trying to do lately, distract myself. And once I got ‘used’ to a book, its setting or tone or rhythm, it would somehow engage less of my mind. Kind of like when you first learn how to drive or ride a bike or something, you’re very conscious of what you’re doing and you’re very focused, but once you learn it, you don’t think about it as much and your mind is free for other things. It’s been kind of like that, where if I didn’t finish a book quickly enough for that novelty to still hold my mind focused, I would start craving something that would engage my mind fully.

Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch


This is probably the one that I want to finish most, or that I want to get to first because I’m farthest into it. I’m currently on page 370 and I flew through those nearly 400 pages in like 2 days and then it just got to a point where… I don’t want to say I didn’t like what was happening, because that’s not it. It just didn’t resonate well with the mood and place I was at mentally, so I stopped. But I loved the first book and I really enjoyed this one so far, so I want to finish it.

The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis


I’ve actually been reading this today, I’m currently on page 48, it’s quite a short book though, it only has about 160 pages. I love C.S. Lewis and I’m loving this book so far, it’s as lucid and poignant and well constructed, thought provoking as ever and I’m having such a good time reading it.

The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo


I’ve been reading this over the past couple of days. So far, I’ve read 3 of the stories, I’m on page 117 and I really enjoyed them. The art in it is so beautiful, I cannot get enough of it. I want to get to the other stories soon.

The Well of Ascension by Brandon Sanderson


I started this I think last week and I’ve been wanting to read this book ever since I read the first one last spring. I only got to page 28 though (I have something about stopping at page 28), because I’m just too tired to read it. It’s quite political, even more so than the first book and by the time I get home from work, I’m too tired to keep up with that. But hopefully over the holidays, I’ll be rested enough to read it because I’ve only read 28 pages and already there was a fight scene. So it promises to be pretty action packed and epic.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

This is another one that I started reading one evening and then stopped because I was too tired and never continued. I loved what I read of it so far, I’m on page 30 of this one. And I really want to continue with it, especially that this was lent to me by a friend a couple months ago, so I should probably return it soon.

All Fall Down by Ally Carter

I won a whole bundle of Ally Carter books in a giveaway, so I thought I’d give it a go. I’m on page 26 at the moment and already, the MC is kind of getting on my nerves, so I’m not sure about this one. But I think I would like to at least read this first book in the series and then decide whether I want to keep them or not. I might end up actually enjoying it once the story gets going because it’s a mystery novel, so we’ll see.

The Bat by Jo Nesbo

the bat

I started reading this book quite a while ago, but I still haven’t finished it. I want to though because it was recommended to me by a friend and I want to be able to tell him what I thought about it, since he really likes this series. I am enjoying it, but there is something that doesn’t agree with me about it and I think it’s the translation. The original is in Norwegian and the translation just fells a bit… awkward to me. Anyway, I’m on page 157 of this one. Hopefully I’ll get to it soon.

So, those are the many books that I’m currently reading. You can imagine what my night stand looks like. Hopefully, I’ll be finishing some of these in the following days and weeks and not adding to the pile. This post was very long and a bit rambly, but writing it has been pretty cathartic, so whatever.

Judging Book Covers

I like judging things. So I decided to go to my Goodreads read shelf, set it on random and then judging the covers of the first n books. Until I get bored, basically. I’m going to rate each cover out of 5 stars and I will divide the rating in two: 2.5 stars for aesthetic and 2.5 stars for relevance to the book.

1. Tunnels by Roderick Gordon and Bryan Williams

I think this is a pretty good cover. It’s got pretty colours, an interesting font and it tells you something about the book. Based on this cover, you know that the characters go in some kind of tunnel, underground place and there are ominous looking guys with vicious dogs chasing them. Which gives you an idea about what to expect. All in all, thi book gets 2 stars for aesthetic and 2 for relevance, a total of 4/5 stars.

2. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

I own this movie tie-in edition of the book, which as far as movie tie-in editions go, is not hideous. I’m not really a fan of movie-tie ins because they usually have faces on them and faces on book covers just… don’t work that well. But I don’t hate this one. I like the colour scheme and it gives you a decent idea of what the book is about and it’s also not overly dramatic, as book covers with faces on them tend to be. I would say it 1.5 stars for relevance and 1 star for aesthetic, a total of 2.5/5.

3. The Maze Runner by James Dashner

I’m not a fan of this cover. The first thing I think of when I see it is jungle. It kind of gives me an Indiana Jones, lost treasure vibe and that’s just completely out of the scope of the book. If you’ve read the book and you pay attention, then you get the cover, but if you haven’t read the book, it doesn’t really tell you much about it, especially at first glance. I’m also not a fan of the font and that orange is the final nail in the coffin. It gets 1.5 stars for relevance, and 0.5 for aesthetic, with a total of 2/5 stars.

4. The Diabolic by S.J. Kincaid

Ok… what even is this cover? I mean, it’s pretty, I’ll give it that. It’s actually really pretty. I’m happy to give it the full 2.5 stars for that. But… what does that have to do with the book? Is it a book about evil cyborg butterflies? Or maybe about a sadistic bastard who likes torturing butterflies? Or maybe he has an army of cyborg butterflies that shred people with their knife wings? It just tells you nothing about the story. At least not about this story. You could argue that maybe the two halves of the butterfly represent the two girls, but you wouldn’t get that until after you’ve read the book. It does give off a sci-fi kind of vibe, so I’ll give it 0.5 for relevance because of that, with a total of 3/5 stars.

5. City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare

I’m usually not a fan of orange, but I don’t hate this one. I would like it better if it didn’t have the faces on there, but at least they’re not just pictures of people. I like the font a lot and the city landscape. You have the quiver there that tells you it’s got some warrior or hunter aspect to it, which is relevant to the story and the city landscape alongside the mystical looking swirly lights and glowy tattoos give you a good idea about the genre. I don’t think that Alec is necessarily the most relevant character to be on this cover, but it does give you an idea of the book. I’m going to give it 1.5 stars for aesthetic and 1.5 for relevance, with a total of 3/5 stars.

6. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

This is one of the editions of this book that I own, I do have another one as well, but I will rate this one. It has a nice, classic feel to it, it’s got a nice font with the alternate title included there as well, and I really like that forest green background. It also tells you quite a lot about the story, you have the dragon on top of its hoard of gold and a little silhouette there sneaking around trying to steal something, because why else would you sneak around in a dragon’s lair? I give this cover 2 stars for aesthetic and 2 for relevance, with a total of 4/5 stars.


Books I Own But Haven’t Read #2

Previous part

Clancy of the Undertow by Christopher Curie

I won this book in a giveaway and quite frankly I don’t have a lot of interest in reading it. As far as I recall, it’s a contemp about unrequited love. Which doesn’t really appeal to me.

Opere (Works) Barbu Stefanescu Delavrancea

I honestly don’t even know which of the author’s works are contained in this volume. This is an assigned reading in school type of book and I never got assigned it, so I never read it. But I do own it.

The Double & Notes From the Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

This book was given to me by a friend who studies literature at uni because she had accidentally bought two copies. I haven’t read it yet, but I do really want to read Dostoyevsky and I feel like this is a good place to start, because these are two relatively short works, so they’re not as intimidating.

The Complete Sherlock Holmes Collection by Arthur Conan Doyle (4 vol)

I’ve read a portion of the Sherlock Holmes stories. I haven’t read all of them yet, so I still class these as unread. But I have them. Four glorious volumes of Sherlockness and I will read them entirely… eventually.

Relativity: The Special and General Theory by Albert Einstein

I actually just got this book. I got it as a birthday present from my parents (well, I bought it but with my parents’ money). So I feel no guilt about this.

The Novel of the Nearsighted Teen by Mircea Eliade

I’ve actually almost finished reading this book. I have like 50 pages left or something. I don’t know why I stopped, because I actually really enjoyed it. I think it was just that I moved away to uni as I was reading it and for some reason I didn’t bring it with me. And then too much time went by and I just ended up not finishing it. But I will. I plan to.

Poezii (Poems) by Mihai Eminescu

I’ve read some of the poems. But to be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of this guy. Like, he’s supposedly the greatest Romanian poet but… there are several others I much prefer to him.

Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Estes Pinkola

This is another book that I only just got. I received it as a birthday present from a friend. So I don’t feel super guilty about it, but I would like to get to it soon, because it’s one of my friend’s favourite books.

Le Bossu (The Hunchback) by Paul Feval

I started reading this book as a sort of nod to my years of reading French cape and sword type adventures. But they just don’t grip me like they used to anymore. So I actually never got too far with this one. It is technically my grandmother’s book. But as with most books that I “borrow” from her, it just sort of became mine.

Spiral by Roderick Gordon and Bryan Williams

This is the 5th book I believe, in the Tunnels series. I’ve read the first 4 books I think a long time ago, and then stopped. Actually, I think at the time, only 4 had come out. In any case, my brother recently acquired the 5th one. I’m probably not going to read it though, to be fair because I don’t remember that much of the first 4 books and I don’t really feel like re-reading them.

Books I Own but Have Not Read – Part 1

I own a lot of books. And because I’m just a wee bit obsessive, I actually have an index of (most) of the books that I own. So I’m going to go through that and see which books I have read and which I haven’t. It’ll probably take more than one post to go through all of them, to be honest.

Inferno, Purgatorio & Paradiso by Dante Aligheri

I own these in a two volume edition and I’ve started reading Inferno, but I never finished it because it’s in verse and I just find it very hard to read for some reason.

Cismigiu & Comp and Buna Dimineata Baieti (Good Morning Boys) by Grigore Bajeanu

I don’t actually know anything about this book, other than that it’s a bind-up of two different stories and I’m not entirely sure how I came to own it. I just have it. I think it might have been a gift or a prize that I won or something like that.

The Secret History of Tom Trueheart by Ian Beck

I actually think this book belongs to my brother, but since I am the main bookkeeper in our house, it lives on my shelves and therefore, it got indexed.

Letters From A Skeptic by Gregory Boyd

I’ve actually recently acquired this book, so I don’t feel that guilty about not having read it yet.

Agentul Secret al lui Altin-Bey (The Secret Agent of Altin Bey) by Rodica Ojog Brasoveanu

Honestly, I haven’t the faintest what this book is or how I came to own it. Most likely, it’s my dad’s or my grandmother’s or something like that. But again, it lives on my shelves, so it’s mine.

The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton


I’ve been meaning to read this for ages. Though to be fair, I’ve only had it for a few months. So it’s not too bad. Some of these books I’ve had for years.

My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

This is like a daily devotional type books. I’ve read some of them, but I never managed to keep up with it.

The Last of the Mohicans by James Fennimore Cooper

Erm… I haven’t read this and I quite frankly have no intention of reading it. Even though I actually own two copies of it. I mean, technically one of them was my grandmother’s… but it’s pretty much mine now. And I think I got the other copy from school. I can’t remember. But I now own two copies.

The Deerslayer by James Fennimore Cooper

Another one that I don’t really have any intention of reading anytime soon. But I own it. I didn’t buy it, to be fair. I’m pretty sure it’s actually my dad’s book.

I’ll stop here for now. I’m not even close to being done yet, but I feel like 10 books per post is enough.

Crows, Ravens and Shadows

Am I the only one who’s noticed fantasy’s fascination with crows, ravens and shadows? I mean, just the number of books that have one of those words in the title…

Shadow and Bone

Queen of Shadows

A Gathering of Shadows

Lord of Shadows

The Oathbreaker’s Shadow

The Shadow’s Curse

Shadow Kin

Six of Crows

A Feast for Crows

The Raven Boys

The Raven King

To name just a few. And not to mention books that have words related to those, in particular to shadow, such as darkness, night etc

Lady Midnight

Crown of Midnight


The Night Circus


Queen of Air and Darkness

A Darker Shade of Magic

I’m sure I could find more if I dug a little. And these are just the ones that mention it in the title. There are so many that may not mention it in the title, but that feature these things as fairly prominent.

The Darkling from The Grisha Trilogy. The Three Eyed Raven from ASOIAF; Mia Corvere from Nevernight as well as her being a darkin; Rhysand’s darkness powers in ACOTAR as well as the Night Court; Shadowhunters.

Now that I think of it, there are actually several such themes running, particularly within the fantasy genre. Fire, mist, light, bone, blood, wind or air, time of day (dawn, midnight or just day). I think I might just compile a list of titles for each of these groups, just to see how they rank. I like lists and patters. So if you like lists and patterns as well, stay tuned for that, I guess.