I did it! I found the BEST book on Goodreads!!

I’ve done it guys! I managed to find the absolute, purest, most wonderful book that ever booked. BEHOLD! And learn. Authors and publishes both, learn how to books.

Birth Control Is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and Also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!

First of all, let’s stop and acknowledge those two exclamation marks. That’s what every title needs. Publishers, get on to that, it’s the next big thing. And of course, you have to pair that with a swanky cover vv

Make sure the exclamation marks are there and make sure it’s all in caps, because otherwise people won’t understand the message. Make sure that the cover looks like it was photoshopped by a 12 year old to give it that authentic feel. WE’RE NOT FAKE HERE. WE ARE ALL ABOUT TROOTH!! And finally, for the cover, you have to ensure that the readers are immediately aware of how qualified the author is to write the book. Make sure you include that title. Because who is better qualified to comment on marriages than MS. STRONG-ANDERSON?!!

The next thing you want to focus on now that you’ve made this great first impression, is of course the synopsis. first thing’s first… you need to get your punctuation right.

This is a Holy Spirit Manuscript book: when you buy this book you will be 
reading a Holy Spirit directed book from God & Christ Jesus.

You gotta make sure to include a colon at least once per sentence because it makes you sound intelligint. Everyone knows that only intelligint pepls know how to use colons. Then be sure to project confidence. You know that people are going to buy your book. It’s a given. Make sure people know that you know that.

BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE
WORSHIP. RESULTING IN THE PERSECUTIONS: AGAINST THE HOLY PEOPLE. THIS BOOK
MAY BE REVISED: BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK:
MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR. BUT IN TRUTH: I AM A 
HOLYSPIRIT CHOSEN ANOINTED DISCIPLE FOR GOD & CHRIST JESUS. EVEN FOR JEWS, 
MUSLIMS & GENTILE SINNERS.

Then of course, you need to remember your caps. We’ve already talked about the importance of caps. And obviously still keep the punctuation in mind, but the next important bit is remember the computer dictators. It’s a real problem. You have to mention them in your synopsis because that way they lose power. If you don’t, they will change many words. Especially when you’re a holyspirit chosen annointed disciple. That’s what the computer dictators are threatened by.

MANY PEOPLE WILL LEARN HOW TO> BECOME REAL BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN: 
THROUGH THIS HOLYSPIRIT BOOK & THROUGH THE PROTECTION & SUPPORT OF MY 
HOLYSPIRIT LIFE!!

SURELY YOUR NAMES WILL BE WRITTEN IN THE LAMBS BOOK OF LIFE!! 
*WHEN YOU SUPPORT & PROTECT MY HOLYSPIRIT LIFE.

Last, but not least, you need to remember that people need to know the important things right from the synopsis. They need to know the truth, the secret, the key to life. It doesn’t matter what book you’re publishing. This is the key message. This is what needs to be in every book synopsis. You NEED, it is absolutely CRUCIAL to support and protect MS. STRONG-ANDERSON and her holyspirit life. That is the key to success. That is how you go to heaven. The only path to salvation. The only hope. 

Forget Jesus, okay. There is no other truth. there is no other religion. But the one: the only: holyspirit life!! It must be: protected & supported!!

So there you have it. 10/5 stars. Best book ever. Go read it. Condoms are evil and the holyspirit life is everything. i’ve been doing Christianity wrong all my life. But this book has shown me the way.

A Conjuring of Light by V. E. Schwab – Book Review

Rating: 5/5

Genre: Adult, fantasy

First published:  2017

Author: V. E. Schwab

 ***SPOILER ALERT*** THIS IS THE THIRD BOOK IN THE SERIES, SO THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR THE FIRST TWO BOOKS FROM HERE ON! I have spoiler free reviews for the first and second books, if you are interested.

Synopsis:

THE BALANCE OF POWER HAS FINALLY TIPPED…
The precarious equilibrium among four Londons has reached its breaking point. Once brimming with the red vivacity of magic, darkness casts a shadow over the Maresh Empire, leaving a space for another London to rise.

WHO WILL CRUMBLE?
Kell – once assumed to be the last surviving Antari – begins to waver under the pressure of competing loyalties. And in the wake of tragedy, can Arnes survive?

WHO WILL RISE?
Lila Bard, once a commonplace – but never common – thief, has survived and flourished through a series of magical trials. But now she must learn to control the magic, before it bleeds her dry. Meanwhile, the disgraced Captain Alucard Emery of the Night Spire collects his crew, attempting a race against time to acquire the impossible.

WHO WILL TAKE CONTROL?
And an ancient enemy returns to claim a crown while a fallen hero tries to save a world in decay.

Amazon | Goodreads

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This book is so amazing! I love Victoria’s writing. I NEED to read the rest of her books. Anyway, I should be speaking about A Conjuring of Light. I absolutely loved it. I fell in love with the world(s) and the characters in the first book and I was so happy and so satisfied by the way their story ended.

Since I was talking about the characters, let’s start there. Kell, my baby, is all growed up in this one. In fact, all of have grown so much since the beginning of the series. Really good character development. I loved to see the dynamics between all the characters as they were forced to come together and work together. I loved seeing Alucard and Kell interact because they just hate each other so much, but at the same time, they understand each other very well, I feel. We also get to learn more about Rhy and Holland. Oh, Holland! I think of all the character development that went on, Holland’s was my favourite. Just to learn more about him was fascinating.

Where the second book was like the deep breath before a storm, heavy, but still in a way. Anticipatory. Like a gathering of shadows (the title is so perfect). This one is an outpouring. It’s like that first, blinding flash of lightning (a conjuring of light, eh?), followed by that ear-splitting thunder and finally, as if the skies cracked open, it begins to pour. I love this metaphor so much. This whole series was a storm, it’s so perfect for it. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that everything changed in this one. Everything  sprang into motion. Quickly and brutally. And when it was over, the world looked different. This is the best that I can do to explain intensity of this book.

What else can I say… we got to see a little bit more of the world. We learnt a bit more about White London. Even about Black London. And we even got to learn new things about magic. We also learnt quite a bit about Maxim and Emira Maresh, which I quite enjoyed.

The one thing that I am really frustrated about is that we don’t learn more about Kell. I mean… I understand why within the narrative. It makes sense. Bot goddammit, I want to know who he is! I want to know about his childhood. I want to know what he’s forgotten. Grrrr! There should be a novella that takes place in Kell’s childhood, so we can know what happened!

This is a really rambly review. I don’t really know what else to say without giving anything away. You just need to read it. It’s amazing! Just go read it!

Even MORE Series I will probably not finish (Part 4)

Well, I was bound to have another one of these sooner or later. You can check out parts one, two and three if you like.

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1. Snow Like Ashes by Sara Raasch

I didn’t particularly like this book. It was too wishy-washy and insta-lovey for me. It had a pretty cool world concept, but it just wasn’t enough  to hold my interest. You can read my full review of it here if you are interested, but yeah… not likely to ever pick up the other ones.

Goodreads | Book Depository

2. Legend by Marie Lu

It’s not that I didn’t like this. I enjoyed it. It’s just that my focus has sort of shifted away from dystopian in the past year and I really don’t read dystopia anymore unless it’s some mindblowingly amazing one. And Legend was good, but it wasn’t by any means mindblowing. So I just don’t think I will ever get around to reading the other two books. I’m still holding out for The Young Elites though. It was so much better than Legend and it’s a fantasy dystopia and I don’t know why I haven’t read the rest of it yet, but I hope it won’t end up on my next “will not finish” post, because it would be a shame.

Goodreads | Book Depository

3. Stealing Snow by Danielle Paige

UGH! I do not know how to tell you how much I hated this book. I actually haven’t even finished it because it’s so boring and annoying and Snow is so whiny and insufferable and stupid. *deep breath* Yeah, no. Not going to happen.

Goodreads | Book Depository

4. The 5th Wave by Rick Yancey

I really enjoyed this book. But I read it quite a while ago and I haven’t picked up the other ones and I just don’t really see myself doing that anytime soon. I still might get around to reading it eventually. Though realistically, I probably won’t because you know… so many books, so little time. It’s like Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken. “Oh, I kept the first for another day, But knowing how way leads on way,/I doubted if I should ever come back.” I really like that poem.

Goodreads | Book Depository

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There are a few other candidates for this list, but I’ll hold out on them a little longer. Still, I reckon it won’t be too long before I have another one of these posts.

The Versatile Blogger Award 2

I’ve been nominated for this award once again by Joana @ Bookneeders. Check out her blog! And you can also check my first Versatile Blogger post, if you feel so inclined.

The Rules:

1) Display the award on your blog.

2) Thank the blogger that nominated you and provide a link to their blog.

3) Share 7 facts about yourself.

4) Nominate 15 10 bloggers for the award and provide links to their blog.

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Okay, seven facts about yours truly.

1. I like to draw from time to time.
2. I’m not a very good cook.
3. I hate bananas.
4. I’m rubbish at whistling
5. I can write with both my right and my left hand (I’m also ambidextrous with a few other things, but not all… yet)
6. I love Funkos
7. I like walking

I will nominate some of my most recent followers

 Luanshya Musings

DuskAngelReads

Chantelle Griffin

fauxcroft

Elou Carroll

Twin Reads

 

A-Z Quotes – P

"Stories are wild creatures, the monster said. When you let them loose, 
who knows what havoc they might wreak." - Patrick Ness (A Monster Calls)

Previous quote | Next quote | All quotes

A-Z Quotes – O

"I am not young enough to know everything."  - Oscar Wilde

Previous quote | Next quote | All quotes

Two

Two shadows;
One unknown and one unknowable.

Two whispers;
One unheard and one unhearable.

Two hearts;
One untouched and one untouchable.

Two potentials;
One unreached and one unreachable.

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff – Book Review

Rating: 5/5 stars

Genre: Fantasy, YA

First published: 2016

Author: Jay Kristoff

Synopsis: Destined to destroy empires, Mia Covere is only ten years old when she is given her first lesson in death.

Six years later, the child raised in shadows takes her first steps towards keeping the promise she made on the day that she lost everything.

But the chance to strike against such powerful enemies will be fleeting, so if she is to have her revenge, Mia must become a weapon without equal. She must prove herself against the deadliest of friends and enemies, and survive the tutelage of murderers, liars and demons at the heart of a murder cult.

Book Depository | Goodreads

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I have been reading very little and updating this blog even less. This is the only book that I have read so far in February, but at least is was an awesome one. I had never read any of Kristoff’s works before, though I’d heard much praise for him. I can see why.

I have a weird and possibly disturbing fascination with assassins. And this book did not disappoint. Ah… so much murder. Okay, where do I begin reviewing this book? Let’s start with the world. It’s so freaking cool. It’s clearly inspired by Roman society, which I always find cool. I’m also getting a Venice vibe. Anyway, that’s not even the coolest part of it. The three suns that almost never set, I thought that was such a cool idea. And also, just the way the world was presented and built was amazing, I loved it. All the random little bits of history in the footnotes were awesome.

And speaking of the footnotes, it’s so cool how the book is written. I loved the footnotes. Let me say that again. I LOVED the footnotes! They added so much to the story and they were so funny. The writing and style is first class, I bow my hat to Jay Kristoff. Oh also, this was honestly THE most profanity-ridden book I have ever read, it’s fantastic. It makes it so much more hilarious. That’s one other thing I really love about it. There is so much humor in a book about death and a cult of murderers, but it’s not done in poor taste. It’s kind of… self deprecating? I don’t know how to describe it.

The characters! Loved them. I love all of them, honestly. I don’t think there was one character I did not enjoy in this book, which is rare. They were all so unique and so… real. And they were all snarky little bitches. Mister Kindly is by far the sassmaster of this cast though. Love Mister Kindly!

Finally, the story. I thought it was a very well told story. Always the right amount of tension, the right pace, the right balance between action and exposition. Loved the flashbacks, I always think flashbacks are such a powerful tool for worldbuilding and character building and just showing the reader something rather than telling them, if that makes sense. But of course, they have to be done well, this book did not disappoint. There was also the right amount of stuff revealed and stuff going on that the book wasn’t boring or didn’t feel like it was stagnating, but also left plenty for the following one. It was very well balanced.

One last thing I have to mention is that gorgeous cover, I mean look at it! I walked into Waterstones and saw that glorious hardcover and spent the following 40 minutes perusing the shelves while clutching it tightly, lest anyone else should even look at it for too long because it was MINE! No regrets.

So, yeah basically… when can I get the next one?

The Valentines Day Book Tag

Yeah, I know Valentine’s Day is gone. But honestly, if you were expecting me to do this on time, you don’t know me very well. I actually have a couple of tags and a couple of reviews backed up that I just haven’t found the time to do. Soon, hopefully.

Anyway, I was tagged to to this by Heather @ The Sassy Book Geek. Thank you so much Heather for tagging me. You can check out her blog, it’s cool. And now, onto the tag!

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1.) Stand Alone Book You Love

I’ve read a few great stand-alones, but the most recent and the first to come to mind is A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness. I have a full review of this beautiful little book, if you want to read more of my thoughts on it.

2.) Dystopian Book You Love

Even after all this time (and many, many dystopians under my belt), I think The Hunger games is still my favourite. This is the series that really got me into YA literature and it will always be special to me. Plus, it’s awesome!

3.) A Book That You Love But No One Else Talks About

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, this series is SO underrated and it deserves to be talked about more. Go read Artemis Fowl!

4.) Favorite Book Couple

Feyre and Rhys.

Art by Charlie Bowater

5.) Book That Other People Love But You Haven’t Read Yet

There’s a long list of those. Passenger by Alexandra Bracken is on example. Or The Lunar Chronicles. I’ve read Cinder, but not the rest of them. And many others, really. There are a lot of popular books that I haven’t read yet. So many books, so little timeeeeee!

6.) A Book With Red on the Cover

I loved this book so much! Keep an eye out for my review which should (hopefully) come up soon. It was brilliant. I can’t wait for the next one!

7.) A Book With Pink on the Cover

The German (original) edition of Ruby Red by Kerstin Gier. I’m currently (slowly) making my way through it. I don’t know why the cover is pink and not red, but there you have it.

8.) You were given a box of chocolate what fictional boyfriend/ or girlfriend would given them to you.

RHYYSSSS! Or Kaz Brecker from Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo.

Rhys by taratjah and Kaz by Coralie Jubénot

9.) You are Single on Valentines Day. What Book would you read? What TV show would you watch? What Movie would you watch?

Well, to be honest I’m not that fussed about Valentine’s Day. Like… if you have a SO, then sure that’s great. Celebrate Valentine’s Day. But if you don’t, then it’s just another day really. It’s not special to me in any way. So I have no answer for this question. I would read whatever my current read is and watch whatever I felt like. For example, this Tuesday, I watched Life of Brian with my friend (Monty Python is everything).

10.) You are in the Book Store. All of a Sudden you get shot with an arrow by Cupid. What New Release will you love?

Oh boy. This sort of implies I’m aware of recent releases. Although, I was in Waterstones a couple weeks back and I saw this gorgeous hardcover of Caraval by Stephanie Garber. I nearly bought it, but there was also a gorgeous hardcover of Nevernight and I’d heard more about that one, so I ended up buying it in the end. Still, I’ve read some amazing reviews of Caraval as well, so if I found it again, I would definitely buy it.

I tag you, yes YOU to do this. Because our love for books is equal all year round, so who cares if Valentine’s Day has passed, right?

Expectations – Daily Prompt

I gave you a smile and expected nothing in return; I gave you a hand and expected nothing in return; I gave you my heart and expected nothing in return; I gave you everything I could and expected nothing in return. Or so I thought.

I was wrong.

When I gave you a smile, I expected it to make you smile; when I gave you a hand, I expected you to take it; when I gave you my heart, I expected you to want it; when I gave you everything, I expected you to need it.

via Daily Prompt: Expectation